Today I am taken back to a time, quite a while ago, when my faith faltered and I found myself questioning God, questioning the purpose of life on Earth and how He could allow His children to feel such pain.
I was 16, young, naive and forced to grow up beyond my years. My baby sister,not more than 3 years old, was mumbling in hushed baby talk, with teary eyes. She too was forced to face life and its hardships, much too soon. I was angry with God. "How could you let a small child feel such pain and sadness so young?" My mind wandered to all the children in the world, dealing with the awful consequences of the adults in their lives. So young and innocent, barely placed on this Earth. Why would God allow this to happen to children who cannot fathom the choices of right and wrong yet? My soul cried in fear and anger that could not be quelled. My human mind could not comprehend any reason for this to be. I found myself denying that God was real, that he could allow this. Aren't we were supposed to be His children and loved beyond all measure? But there I was hurting so much for children that were not even my own. I did not know the love it feels to be a parent, but I knew what it was to love a child and I could not stand to see or think of my sweet baby sister or any other child hurting, sad or scared.
Once I decided to find myself in prayer and ask God why, the answer came so profoundly, my anger was completely erased from my heart and replaced with understanding. It was heartbreaking too, but it was real, it was explained. I cried over the love I felt for my God and my sister.
What I came to know was that we have a sense of the trials we are to face in our life, before we are sent here. We see our loved ones and we see what we are headed for. Not the whole picture, but a general understanding of situations we will be presented with. We know and we accept. We are sent at certain times and for a reason. My sister knew it would be hard early in her life, but she accepted so fiercely because she knew that she was needed for a much greater purpose and was not afraid.
I know, coming from me, someone who has not been an active member of my religion for some time, and has made many mistakes, this may not seem credible. However, I know, despite our mistakes and sins and the way we live our lives, everyone has the right to pray and for their prayers to be answered. Remember this next time you feel overwhelmed with trials or with life. Your prayers do not fall on deaf ears. You accepted your trials on this Earth because you knew your greater purpose. It may be hidden deep within your soul, but that understanding is still there. Your sins, your battles, all serve a greater purpose. So put on your armor and prepare to fight, for if you do, you will not lose. You may fall down and be injured time and time again, but you can get back up and you will overcome.
Climb those mountains, have faith in something bigger than yourself, and remember to be brave.
